Crossroads

I generally don’t like to get too personal on my blog. It seems overly cheesy and cliché and just not something that I am a fan of doing. However, I’m finding that many of the people close to me don’t know a lot about the real me. This post is my attempt to remedy that somewhat, but I reserve the right to remove it at any time.

I wonder how many people can point to a specific moment in life when a decision needed to be made that would determine the rest of their life. Choosing one option would lead them down one path and the other option would take them on a completely different road. I know that one moment for me, at least as it relates to love and relationships.

About six years ago, I was head over heels for a girl. She was beautiful, smart, funny, and had the most stunning eyes I have ever seen. She quickly became my best friend. She was also unavailable, having been in a relationship for a couple of years. Despite that, we spent much of our free time together. My feelings for her grew stronger and I believe she felt the same for me.

After a night out, I walked her back to her place. I remember walking up the steps to her apartment and standing in front of her door. We embraced each other. Then she looked up at me with her beautiful green eyes and I knew she wanted me to kiss her. I did not.

I can’t say why I didn’t. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I knew I was too immature at the time to pursue something with her. Maybe it’s because her boyfriend was waiting for her inside the apartment while we had our moment outside. Whatever the reason, I made a decision. I’ve regretted it ever since.

Our friendship became less intense after that. I avoided her as much as I could. She ended up marrying her boyfriend, though they divorced later. I always knew he wasn’t the right person for her. She remarried. We saw each other for the first time in many years recently. It felt good to be around her again.

It’s her birthday today, which is probably why I’m thinking of her. I hope she’s happy. She really deserves it. She’s an amazing person and I have an incredible amount of respect for her.

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. I regret my decision that night, but I hope to say I’ve learned from it and am able to move on. Of course, I found myself in an eerily similar situation last year and I can’t say I really handled it with the maturity of someone who has learned any sort of lesson. Hopefully by writing about it, I can put the issue to rest.

Thanks for reading.